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Identity graphic
(johnhain, Pixabay)

Cultivate Self-Worth
(2554813, Pixabay)

Solar Self-Worth
(Noupload, Pixabay)

Identity graphicSelf-Worth 

We start with some quotes:-
  • One's attitude towards oneself is the single most important factor in healing and staying well. (Bernie Siegel, MD)
  • Act as if you are the person you want to be. (Bernie Siegel, MD)
  • It’s like the cliché “Just be yourself”. You know I’ve learned that being myself isn’t like a light switch. It’s something that has to be allowed to emerge, and it can be cultivated over time with the right kind of support. (Robert MacNaughton, dated 2015, accessed 11 July 2016, video 10m33s)
Cultivate Self-Worth

Failure

"You cannot fail at being yourself. A cat doesn't try to be a tiger, and you shouldn't try to be something you aren't. You are a process, not a product. Your job is to discover what you are and create that creature. You still won't be perfect, but success isn't about perfection - it is about authenticity. You are a success if you are being your real, authentic self." (Bernie Siegel, MD)


Failure is an invention of modern education and a primarily competitive culture (vs. a primarily co-operative culture)
[see #8 & #2 here].
David DeAngelo calls failure an illusion, a static man-made concept - and very destructive when linked to self-worth. It needs to be eliminated.
Perhaps this is what Yoda alludes to when he says, "Do. Or do not. There is no try."
If you love it and just do it, you never fail, you can continue forever (even if it is in your imagination).


"Faced with some failures, you might feel discouraged to the point that you tell yourself, ‘I am incompetent, weak and stupid.’ Very well, you may well be all that, but it is dangerous for you to dwell on it. When you experience states of this kind, show that you still have a little intelligence and make efforts to think, ‘All right, I may not amount to much, but there is a world of rich, beautiful, and wise beings, and I am going to unite with them by means of thought in order to benefit from their qualities and virtues.’ I assure you that this will help you.
Also, try to recall all the wonderful moments of peace, light, and inspiration that you have already experienced, for you have experienced at least some. And since you have experienced them, they cannot be wiped out. Cling to those moments, and little by little, courage and faith will return to you." (O.M. Aïvanhov)

Goal Setting & Self-Worth

Also, if you must live with success and failure, link your self-worth to things where you have most control over the result (partly sourced from Bob Dorris), where:-

  • Goals that involve others or competing with others are therefore least advised (e.g. "I must date that woman/man or else I am pathetic", or "I must get my black belt or else I am useless").
  • Goals that are personal performance goals, where you compete with yourself to improve your previous performances, are better but still open to failure (e.g. "I will learn more moves and thus feel worthy", but you may forget a whole lot too, so this may not help).
  • Goals that are process-oriented, where you are practising without the need for any result. Here you almost have complete control. It is prioritised as a lifestyle. Again, this is like Yoda's advice (e.g. "I practise my martial art and this is sufficient to make me feel worthy"). 
  • Finally, there can be the state of having no goals. This is not being a loser or drop-out. Rather this is a positive state, willingly doing that which you have to do (e.g. "I am doing this because I feel I must, but whatever happens I know it will not impact my self-worth"). 'The wise man strives to no goals but the foolish man fetters himself' (Sengcan in Xinxin Ming or Hsin Hsin Ming).
Just remember that you can have many goals involving others - like I have with this website - but that the success or not of my website does not dictate my self-worth! What matters to my self-worth is that I felt that I loved, like a Sun.

Self-Worth Sun

More Quotes

"You, too, are a winged being, whether or not you know it. Enfold what seems dark with your wings of light, and harmony will always prevail. This is Nature's promise to us all." (Ann Napier)

Be kind to yourself...
You may look around at your 'more successful' friends and family and feel inadequate, especially if you're looking at their social media. Social media is a lie!
Everyone presents their most polished selves and hides their insecurities, so remember, you're not the only person in the world with doubts and worries. As the saying goes, 'Don't compare your insides with other people's outsides.'
Everyone feels bad sometimes, but feeling bad doesn't mean you actually are useless.
You're way stronger than you think. (BBC, posted and accessed 2 May 2018)

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." (Dr. Seuss)

"It doesn’t matter what other people think about you. It’s what you think about yourself. And you should do the same thing I do and look at yourself in the mirror and say empowering words about yourself. It helps a lot. You should be like, “I’m smart, special, creative”. Don’t let, really, don’t let the words people say about you get to your head. Don’t let them get to your head - at all." (Kheris Rogers, age 11, role model for dark complexion, BBC, 1m37s, posted and accessed 10 August 2018)

"Depression is often not intense sadness – it is suppressed anger that’s been directed towards yourself." (Barbara De Angelis, PhD, Making Love Work, Personal Guidebook, p.53)

To think bad thoughts is really the easiest thing in the world. If you leave your mind to itself it will spiral you down into ever-increasing unhappiness. To think good thoughts, however, requires effort. This is one of the things that training and discipline are about. So teach your mind to dwell on sweet perfumes, the touch of silk, tender raindrops against the shōji [Japanese paper door/partition], the tranquillity of dawn; then at length you won’t have to make such an effort, and you will be of value to yourself.
(James Clavell, Shōgun)

Accepting yourself... what does that actually mean and what can you do to achieve such a state? Self-acceptance means giving yourself permission to feel... whatever it is that you are feeling. That does not give you license to think that you are perfectly entitled to think or act in any way. It doesn’t mean that what you are feeling suddenly becomes ‘good’ just because you are feeling it. Feelings such as anger, jealousy or envy do not end up making you or the person involved feel ‘good.’ But, by letting go and experiencing these feelings, you may get a glimpse at their root cause which can help you know and understand yourself better. (Judy Fraser, Second Aid, p.11)

Believe that you are enough. Then we stop screaming and start listening. We’re kinder and gentler both to the people around us and to ourselves.
(See Brené Brown, 19m48s, posted 3 January 2011, accessed 5 July 2020)

Everybody's story deserves to be told - because they are worthy and they are part of the way in which the world works. (Enam, plus-size model, BBC, 5m3s, posted and accessed 6 July 2020)

Resources:-
Also see:-

Self-Love

Self-Talk

Who Am I?

Who Am I? Quotes



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Page last updated: 12 July 2021.