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Photo Credits:-
What is sexual harassment? graphic
(Ontario Human Rights
Commission; fair use, educational)
What part of NO don't you understand?
(geralt, Pixabay)
Maybe we should talk (geralt, Pixabay)
Man in Prison Cell
(Dieter_G, Pixabay)
Patsy Stevenson
(The Guardian; fair use, educational)
Consent is an Enthusiastic Yes! poster (Camilla Perkins, IPPF)
Ben Jennings on UK police misogyny
(The Guardian; fair use, educational)
Lady Justice
(WilliamCho, Pixabay)
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Sexual Consent &
Harassment
Harassment
Some insights into sexual harassment:-
- If
it's unwanted, it's harassment. However,
you are allowed to courteously ask a woman/man out! It is about
being sensitive to her/his cues. Read on for further
explanation...
- Sexual
harassment is unwanted sexual advances, obscene remarks, etc. (Oxford
English Dictionary cited at BBC,
posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
- Sexual
harassment is unwanted conduct of a sexual nature, which violates a
person's dignity or creates an intimidating, hostile, degrading or
offensive environment. (UK's Equality Act 2010 cited at BBC,
posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
- Sexual
harassment constitutes: non-consensual
touching; feeling entitled to
someone else; talking in a certain way; chasing girls down the street
in order
to chat them up; wolf-whistling and using a position of power or trust
to talk
in a creepy way. (Sea Ming Pak cited at BBC,
posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
- Flirting becomes sexual harassment when it's
unwanted and persistent (Sarah King of Stuart Miller
Solicitors cited at BBC,
posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
- Flirting becomes sexual harassment when a man
pushes things too far, through talk or action, when a woman clearly
doesn't want it. (Adapted from James Preece, relationships
expert, cited at BBC,
posted and accessed 19 October 2017)
- 81%
of US women say they've been sexually harassed. (Stop
Street Harassment 2018 National Survey cited in BBC,
1m55s, posted and accessed 23 May 2018) It usually
happens in public spaces. Video also shows how bystanders can
intervene.
- Learn about street
harassment.
- Understand sexual
microaggressions by men, and their unacceptability.
- Both
men and women need to be
having a dialogue with each other, not against each other.
That’s
really important. (Kalki Koechlin, famous Bollywood
actress and gender rights activist, BBC
video, 2m7s, posted and accessed 9 January 2018)
- Apply the Rock
Test: "Don't say anything to a woman you wouldn't say to
Dwayne the Rock Johnson."
- Apply
the Golden Rule for Men
by Peter White: "I think the golden rule for
men should be: If you're a man, don't say anything to a woman on the
street that you wouldn't want a man saying to you in prison."
- I prefer the Golden
Rule for Men to the Rock Test. The Rock
Test is more of an antisocial
scenario; the Rock has a lot to lose if he goes round beating people up
(e.g. on collision with the pavement they die, he is jailed). The
Golden
Rule of Peter White implies the ever-present prospect of asocial
violence that so often simmers underneath serious men-to-women
hostility.
Consent
Understand
consent
properly:-
- Consider
the analogy of tea as consent.
- People
just
don’t understand the concept of consent. It’s not
just
about saying ‘no’, consent is an enthusiastic
‘yes’. (Rachel Brook, IPPF volunteer, 47s
of IPPF video,
posted 7 March 2018, accessed 8 March 2018)
- Consent isn't always about "whether
you can say yes; it's also whether you can say no." (Bettina Judd,
assistant professor of Gender, Women and Sexuality Studies, University
of Washington, History
Channel, posted 4 December 2018, accessed 14 June 2020)
- Sex
must be consensual. Have a safe word or gesture if playing BDSM games.
It is crucial to have discussed hard limits (no-goes). "In kink
communities, a heavy emphasis is placed on consent: safe words and
no-goes. Most porn videos show these practices – choking,
restraining, spanking – without showing scenes of consent, which
is necessary in order to ensure they’re safe and enjoyable for
those participating. That’s fine if it’s a fantasy but not
when you’ve never been taught to interpret it as such." (Annie
Lord, The Guardian, posted and accessed 12 February 2022)
- Consent
is completely mindful, willing, and un-coerced choice to say yes, and
the ability to revoke that yes at any time without fear of
repercussions. (Ms. Elle X, YouTube, 7m53s, posted 8 August 2021, accessed 18 February 2022)
- Men
- Just
like animals, you have to go through the evolutionary courtship ritual.
Your
porn-rich computer/smartphone and hyper-sexualised culture may have
tricked your brain into thinking you can cut straight to porn-style
sex, but this does not meet the evolutionary needs of women. The stages or bridges are
summarised here.
- In
the UK, the Sexual
Offences Act 1956
differentiates between 'consent' and 'submission'. Having sex with
someone who cannot consent is rape. In a nutshell, 'lack of consent'
means:-
- Use
of force or threats by perpetrator.
- Drink,
drugs, sleep,
age or mental disability meant that complainant was unaware of what was
happening and/or incapable of giving consent.
- Complainant
was deceived as to the identity of the perpetrator.
- Complainant
was under age 16.
Shocking
Statistics
- There
are approximately one billion women on the planet who have been
violated. (Eve
Ensler, posted 18 October 2017, accessed 10
October 2018) [This is 1 in 3 women. Men, stand
up for women and for our education in the Ways of Inner Game!]
- Only
15% of people who experience sexual violence choose to
report to police. (Rape Crisis,
England and Wales, dated 2018, accessed 10 October 2018)
- About
90% of those who are raped know the perpetrator prior to the offence. (Rape Crisis,
England and Wales, dated 2018, accessed 10 October 2018)
- 25%
of girls experience
sexual abuse by age 16. Young women aged under 18 are 48% of all rapes.
In a society where sexual abuse of young women is rampant, it's not
surprising many women never share their stories. They remain hidden and
invisible. (See Invisible Girls: The Truth about
Sexual Abuse - A Book for Teen Girls, Young Women, and Everyone Who
Cares About Them by Patti Feuereisen)
- Almost
all young women in the UK have been sexually harassed, survey finds
(The Guardian, 2021) [poll also reveals lack
of faith in authorities' ability to deal with it].
Men - A Call to Action
It's
not enough to respond to misogyny with: "It's not all men." Why?:
"Not
all men are violent but all men benefit from sex inequality and all
women's lives are either directly or indirectly restricted or altered
by the actions of men."
(Clarrie O'Callaghan & Karen Smith, The
Guardian, posted and accessed 14 March 2021)
It's time for every man to realise that misogyny is a huge issue:
I'd like to repeat the quote Bettina Judd quote [see above]:
Consent isn't always about
"whether you can say yes; it's also whether you can say no."
The thing is that - in our patriarchal, capitalist, racist,
dysfunctional world - women so
often feel they cannot say "no", as otherwise they and their kids get
beat,
starve, die.
Women are paid little or nothing despite doing the majority of caring
and mothering. They are being exploited (in the words of bell hooks) by
the "imperialist white-supremacist capitalist patriarchy."
Men, change this now! Challenge and fight gender
inequality, sexism, capitalism,
etc. Become an ally.
Also see the ally resources
below.
Do this with friends and colleagues, on the street and on social media
- wherever you can.
"This is not a men vs women
issue. It's about people vs prejudice." (Laura Bates)
Top of Page
Government & the System as Allies - or NOT - to Women
Below is a photo of Patsy Stevenson pinned to the ground by two UK policemen.
She had just been thrown to the ground by them, despite being a peaceful mourner and only small (5'2" or 1.57m).
Sarah Everard had days earlier been abducted and murdered by a serving police officer.
Patsy was a mourner at Sarah's vigil in Clapham Common, London.
It was also about reclaiming the streets for women.
It was not the only incident of police brutality on peaceful, mourning women on the evening of 13 March 2021.
Where was the sensitivity to the vigil's policing that had been promised to London mayor Sadiq Khan?
The police had refused to engage with organisers and women on how to mourn safely during Covid-19 on that evening, despite being urged to do so by a judge.
The police are the Government's gang and the Government is growing increasingly fascist.
Home Secretary Priti Patel has previously voiced hateful attacks on the BLM & XR 2020 protests.
Patel was instrumental in this misogynous brutality too.
As well as the policing minister Kit Malthouse.
Patel was later exposed as especially deceitful.
Government then suggested protecting women with undercover police.
But this does nothing to address systemic male violence - and seems creepy given that undercover police have been and will legally allowed to infiltrate and have sex with activists, which is a form of rape (rape by police, by Government).
More chillingly, an anti-protest bill - that basically bans protest (as too annoying) - is underway and has just passed.
Without protest, would: slavery still exist, woman still be banned from voting, UK still rule India?
Now, watch Patel's response to a question on this bill by MP Caroline Lucas. So full of lies that it is evil. Dr M Scott Peck wrote a book on this called People of the Lie.
The UK is turning into an authoritarian police state.
This is all NOT being an ally to women.
Systemic Non-Consensual Harassment of a Woman? - by the UK Government & Police
Patsy Stevenson pinned to the ground by two policemen (The Guardian)
How NOT to be an ally to women...
Resources
#MeToo
- Police Me Too [Voices of women & girls abused by police instead of protected].
- The
Problem With Asking Women To Say 'Me Too' (Angelina Chapin,
Huffington Post, 2017)
[Guys must fix their predatory behaviour too].
- Over
It Redux (Eve Ensler, HuffPost, 2017).
- #MeToo
is at risk (Anna North, Vox, 2018)
[Don't
just blame a few bad actors.
Employers need to ask how abuse is allowed to happen and how
it is
supported.].
- MeToo
founder Tarana Burke: Campaign now 'unrecognisable' (BBC,
2018).
- #MeToo changed Hollywood – but what about our schools, workplaces and homes? (Rosamund Cloke, The Guardian, 2021)
[Out of public view, far from the high-profile convictions, sexual
harassment is still scarily common, e.g. sexual harassment has become
“normalised” among school-age children].
- The Amber Heard-Johnny Depp trial was an orgy of misogyny (Moira Donegan, The Guardian, 2022) [#MeToo backlash; also see here, here, here].
Harassment
"Street harassment is not a joke or a compliment. [It] is a human
rights violation because it prevents women from having equal access to
public spaces." (Holly Kearl, founder of Stop Street Harassment, author, quoted in The Guardian, posted and accessed 23 September 2022)
- When does
flirting become sexual harassment? (BBC, 2017).
- 100
Women: Why we need to talk about street harassment (BBC,
2017).
- 100 Women:
Does having a woman behind the wheel stop harassment on public
transport? (BBC, 2017).
- The
Rock Test: A Hack for Men Who Don't Want To Be Accused of Sexual
Harassment (Anne Victoria Clark, Medium, 2017).
- Why
do women get all attractive if they don't want to be harassed? Glad you
asked (Heidi Stevens, Chicago Tribune,
2017).
- Is
sexual harassment really difficult to understand? (Suzanne
Moore, The Guardian, 2017).
- Schools
told not to dismiss sexual harassment 'as banter' (BBC,
2017).
- 'Shocking'
level of sexual harassment at music festivals (BBC,
2018).
- Actress
Emma Thompson on calling out sexual harassment
(BBC, 2018).
- Street
harassment 'relentless' for women and girls (BBC,
2018) [UK].
- Street
harassment: Women urged to report catcalling (BBC,
2019) [UK].
- What is it
like for a woman who is harassed? (BBC, 2018).
- The
harassment tips you shouldn't need in 2018 (BBC,
2018).
- What
is sexual harassment at work? (BBC, 2019).
- Is
harassment making women quit the gym? (BBC, 2019).
- Educational resource to tackle street harassment created by misogyny hate crime team (Nottingham Trent University, 2020) [includes a comic].
- Gender
equality activists hail Bristol council's vote on ban for strip clubs
(The Guardian, 2021) [Evidence suggests
they're linked to harassment & domestic killings].
- Women with disabilities 'groped and not taken seriously' (BBC, 2021) [Disabled women 2x as likely to be sexually harassed or assaulted - #JustAskDontGrab].
- Men who harass women from cars should be prosecuted, MPs say (The Guardian, 2021)
[“We ban littering, we ban smoking in public areas – now,
let’s ban the behaviour of men who can’t act
civilly.” (Nimco Ali)].
- Apps promised to revolutionize dating. But for women they’re mostly terrible (Nancy Jo Sales, The Guardian, 2021)
[She believes online dating has made single women less happy, less
likely to find a long-term partner, more at risk of sexual
violence].
- The women wearing ‘subway T-shirts’ over outfits to avoid creepy stares (The Guardian, 2023).
Rape
Consent
- We Can’t Consent To This [Campaigns to limit the so-called “rough sex” defence for murder or violent injury].
- Tea
Consent (Emmeline May and Blue Seat Studios,
YouTube, 2015).
- Yes, there is such a thing as rape within marriage (Laura Bates, The Guardian, 2015).
- Consent
for Kids (Blue Seat Studios, YouTube, 2016).
- Girls go
along with sex acts, says teacher (BBC, 2017).
- Sex ed
'must cover respect and consent', say young mums (BBC,
2018).
- EastEnders:
Busting myths around sexual consent (BBC, 2018).
- Quarter of adults think marital sex without consent is not rape, UK survey finds (The Guardian, 2018).
- Harvey
Weinstein trial: Could written sexual consent stand up in court?
(BBC, 2020) [Stop putting the burden on the
survivor/victim. Educate the perpetrator and the system.].
- The sexual assault of sleeping women: the hidden, horrifying rape crisis in Britain’s bedrooms (Anna Moore, The Guardian, 2021).
- The everyday assault of disabled women: ‘It’s inappropriate sexual touching at least once a month’ (The Guardian, 2021)
[They are almost twice as likely to be sexually assaulted as
non-disabled women. Why is so little being done? #JustAskDontGrab].
- 'They allow us to name something we know is wrong': The new words defining sexual abuse (BBC, 2022)
[Examples: dead hand (lingering hand on packed bus/train), gaslighting,
upskirting, love bombing, stealthing, downblousing, forced oral contact
(not kissing), marital rape].
- Sexual choking is now so common that many young people don’t think it even requires consent. That’s a problem (Chanel Contos, The Guardian, 2022) [It is not risk free. Don't allow it if it not erotic for you. Don't do it to satisfy the strangler.].
Stalking
Men as Allies to Women
- Men
Rising [part of One Billion Rising
and V-Day].
- That Guy - Better Ways to Be a Man (Police Scotland) [Twitter].
- Violence
& Frustrated Sexuality (Project World Peace).
- Violence against women—it's a men's issue (Jackson Katz, TEDx talk, 2013).
- 101
Everyday Ways for Men to Be Allies to Women (Michael Urbina,
2013).
- 5 Tips
For Being an Ally (Franchesca Ramsey, YouTube,
2014).
- Dear
Men Who Wish To Be Allies to Women (Lisa O'Neill,
Medium, 2016) [12 tips].
- 5
Tips for Men on How to be Better Allies to Women (Tom Burke,
Women for Women International, 2019).
- Women
tell men how to make them feel safe after Sarah Everard disappearance
(The Guardian, 2021).
- For
women to feel safe in public spaces, men's behaviour has to change
(Rachel Hewitt, The Guardian, 2021) [Men see
public space as theirs, so any woman that enters it is consenting to
abuse. This must change.].
- By breaking the silence about patriarchy, men can help end violence against women (Harry Ferguson, The Guardian, 2021) [Too often men don’t challenge the systems that oppress women because they benefit from their complicity].
- To make women safer, we need to educate men (The Guardian, 2021).
- We always speak of women's safety. Let's talk about male violence instead (Anne Enright, The Guardian, 2021).
- Guys: do you recognise yourself in our 60 second That Guy campaign film? (That Guy Scotland, YouTube, 2021)
[Most guys don’t look in the mirror and see a problem. But
it’s staring us in the face. Sexual violence begins long before
you think it does. It’s not “just banter”. We all
have a part to play when it comes to preventing sexual violence. More
practical advice at www.that-guy.co.uk].
- Men must challenge misogynistic behaviour, says Nicola Sturgeon (The Guardian, 2021)
[Scotland’s first minister says society should stop expecting
women to fix problems of sexism and harassment. Men must challenge
other men's behaviour and their own.].
- Don’t Be That Guy: activists praise campaign tackling sexual violence (The Guardian, 2021) [‘Powerful’ video by Police Scotland calls on men to look at their own attitudes and behaviours towards women].
- In Islam, the primary burden of Hijab is on men, not women (Qasim Rashid, 2022).
- Calling all men: this is what we can do to help women feel safe exercising in the dark (Chris Boardman, The Guardian, 2022)
[Tips: keep your distance (e.g. pause, cross road); never make
comments; challenge friends & family who are disrespectful to a
woman; show support for a woman being harassed (e.g. stand between
harasser & her). Also see here.].
- London pupils to be trained to recognise sexist behaviour (The Guardian, 2022) [Allyship training at secondary schools].
- Sexual harassment: Could the 'bystander effect' be the answer? (BBC, 2022).
Ben Jennings on misogyny in UK police forces [e.g. here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here]
(The Guardian, 18 January 2023; fair use, educational)
Government & the System as Allies - or NOT - to Women
- Police Me Too.
- The Guardian view on policing dissent: Johnson plays politics with protest (The Guardian, 2021)
[A new UK bill will allow ministers who have failed to address violence
against women and girls to curb their right to protest about it].
- Institutional misogyny 'erodes women's trust in UK police' (The Guardian, 2021).
- Charities warn over 'frightening' plan to put plainclothes police in nightclubs (The Guardian, 2021 UK) [Does not address systemic male violence].
- Women killed: 118. Statues 'killed': 1. So guess which is the national priority? (Marina Hyde, The Guardian, 2021 UK) [Tougher sentences for attacks on statues than on women].
- Ex-police chief would think 'very carefully' about reporting crime (BBC, 2021) [because of how she would be judged and the humiliating criminal justice system].
- Police will be required to record crimes motivated by hostility to women – minister (The Guardian, 2021 UK).
- Policies to end violence against women ‘bizarre’, say experts (The Guardian, 2021 UK).
- Putting undercover police in Britain's bars and clubs won't make women safer (Micha Frazer-Carroll, The Guardian, 2021 UK) [Boris Johnson’s proposal will do the opposite].
- If we really want to tackle femicide, we need to track violent men (Sirin Kale, The Guardian, 2021)
[There’s no way to monitor the stalkers and domestic abusers
whose behaviour can escalate to murder. It’s time for a
register.].
- Women will not be silenced on gender violence (The Guardian, 2021; sign here).
- If we're urging girls to report rape in schools, we need to fix the legal system (Joan Smith, The Guardian, 2021) [Rape and serious sexual assault are the only crimes where victims, not the likely perpetrators, are treated with suspicion].
- ‘Marry your rapist’ laws in 20 countries still allow perpetrators to escape justice (The Guardian, 2021)
[Critical UN report says the legislation is ‘deeply wrong’,
subjugates women and shifts the burden of guilt on to the victim].
- Universities ignoring rape culture warnings, say campaigners (The Guardian, 2021) [UK].
- Complaining to universities about harassment ‘often a waste of time’ (The Guardian, 2021) [UK].
- Covid quarantine hotels: Women say they were sexually harassed by guards (BBC, 2021) [UK].
- The Observer view on institutional misogyny in the Metropolitan police (The Guardian, 2021) [UK police are not only systemically racist. They are systemically misogynist].
- Is it really so radical to say the police aren’t fit for purpose? (Nesrine Malik, The Guardian, 2021)
[From the UK to the US, the police are there to protect the powerful,
not the powerless. It’s time to rethink what ‘security’ means for us
all.].
- If we’re serious about ending violence against women, we need to talk about culture (Fiona Vera-Gray, The Guardian, 2021) [From true crime to pornography, the way women are depicted onscreen has real-life consequences].
- Isn’t it frightening that a lone woman seeing a policeman now feels afraid, not reassured? (Zoe Williams, The Guardian, 2022) [UK].
- Italian uproar over judge's 10-second groping rule (BBC, 2023) [F’g hell. Injustice. Betrayed by the Law. Also see here, here.].
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Also see:-
Sex Education
Violence
& Sexual Frustration
Male Sexual
Problems
Blame or
Empowerment? [PC2]
Skirting Around
[PC3]
Handling
& Understanding Violence
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