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Male Sexual Problems
One of the puzzles you must solve as a sexual man is how to harmonise the fact that an average man orgasms in 2-5 minutes, while an average woman needs maybe an hour of sexual excitement. It's why women love kissing and why men tend to neglect it in settled relationships. It's why women love dancing and men tend to avoid it. It's why you must learn to worship the yoni. It's why you must learn to build anticipation throughout the date, day or week. Quick orgasm in male animals is useful to avoid being caught by predators or rivals. But we are also humans. We male humans can put a good deal of thought into how we will do our best for all! For a woman, foreplay is more important than orgasm. For her, successful foreplay means you are a fantastic lover. Women need at least twenty minutes of heightened tension, and more like an hour if orgasm is desired. But remember, foreplay is more important than orgasm! The ability to create anticipation is a key skill. Other key skills include: presence, setting a sultry atmosphere, creating an emotionally safe space, leading with your heart. Learn more at Inner Game and Outer Game. Also see Sex Education. Pleasure Women tend to be pleasure-oriented, rather than goal-directed. Their goal is not to have sex or achieve release as much as to indulge in pleasure. This is why foreplay is so important. So, guys, pleasure her! Getting Her to Orgasm Women's orgasms are very, very responsive to exact rhythms. When she is close to climax (and she expresses this), resist the urge to speed up, to sprint to the finish. Men tend to intensify, to get all enthusiastic, when what is needed is to maintain the rhythm. So, resist the urge to alter the rhythm. You can suggest she flow into it, relax into it, surf it, surrender to it. This is a huge tip for sexual success, says Alex Allman (see Authentic Sexual Power by AMP, DVD4, ~30m; where he is interviewed by Bryan Bayer). Fun "Sex is way too important to be taken seriously." (Jim Benson, 2020, accessed 6 July 2020) By this he did not mean jokes. Rather keep it playful, loving, relaxing. Nor does it mean laughing disrespectfully at the other. It is about being able to laugh together at the sometimes absurd and silly scenes that we find ourselves in. Money is not central to Sexual Success This idea that money brings sexual success is a myth. It has been perpetuated by capitalism/consumerism/advertising, so they can make money off of you. Geoffrey Miller (evolutionary psychologist, speaking in from David DeAngelo’s Advanced Dating Techniques, DVD9; also see here) explains that males of most animal species can do very little about their mate value. However, humans can do so much and it can be inexpensive: simply tweaking personality or releasing anxieties. But modern society does everything it can to stop us from developing these fitness indicators. Consumerist capitalism says invest all your time and energy according to the delusion that economic success is the only thing that attracts women, and the only thing that other men respect. However, you and your ancestors don’t/didn’t need those material routes. We are misallocating our time and energy. It’s all within you! Learn more at Inner Game and Outer Game. Porn Perhaps one of the greatest crises affecting men's sexuality is the widespread availability of porn. Whilst porn can be educational, it is also:-
Avoid pixelation. Drop into sensation! Erectile Dysfunction Erectile dysfunction (ED) can be caused by various things. Unless the cause is structural/medical (see a doctor), some of the easiest solutions are:
Note that ED is not necessarily a consequence of ageing. Relationship Flatline One common issue in a committed relationship is the flatline experienced in passion. This well-known issue is best illustrated by a graph: How relationships turn from passionate to companionate over time (years)
A popular phrase related to this is 'The seven-year itch'. The Incest Taboo One reason for this Relationship Flatline is The Incest Taboo. Relationship and sex expert Jim Benson explains: 'The theory of The Incest Taboo is simple: After
a couple sets up housekeeping, childhood experiences are recreated and the mate
appears more and more like the parent, primary caretaker, or sibling we once
lived with. As this unconscious projection gets stronger, we are less able to
get turned on by our mate because of the cultural taboo against having sex with
one of your family members... the Taboo is running in the
background ALL THE TIME with you and your live-in honey bunny.' (posted 28 November 2016, accessed 29 November 2016)
He goes on to suggest ways to deal with this. His suggestion of 'distance and individuation' to recreate sexual polarity seems useful - and why separate bedrooms could help passion and sleep quality (see here, here, here & here; also see here, here, here). "Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you." (Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet) "Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." (Katharine Hepburn) "The secret of marriage is: separate bedrooms and separate bathrooms." (Bette Davis) Resources General
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Also see:- Violence & Frustrated Sexuality Sex Education Sexual Consent & Harassment Birth & Perinatal Emergency (BPE) Female Sexual Problems Sex articles Relationships articles Love articles |
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