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Naked Man Sculpture
(Source: The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt, cited by BBC, posted 13 February 2016, accessed 29 November 2016)
Ancient Egypt Couple sculpture (clarita, Morguefile)
| Male Sexual Problems
For a woman, foreplay is more important than orgasm. For her, successful foreplay means you are a fantastic lover. Women need at least twenty minutes of heightened tension, and more like an hour if orgasm is desired. But remember, foreplay is more important than orgasm!
The ability to create anticipation is a key skill.
Other key skills include: presence, setting a sultry atmosphere, creating an emotionally safe space, leading with your heart.
Learn more at Inner Game and Outer Game.
Also see Sex Education.
Women tend to be pleasure-oriented, rather than goal-directed. Their goal is not to have sex or achieve release as much as to indulge in pleasure. This is why foreplay is so important. So, guys, pleasure her!
"Sex is way too important to be taken seriously." (Jim Benson, 2020, accessed 6 July 2020)
By this he did not mean jokes. Rather keep it playful, loving, relaxing.
Nor does it mean laughing disrespectfully at the other. It is about being able to laugh together at the sometimes absurd and silly scenes that we find ourselves in.
Money is not central to Sexual Success
This idea that money brings sexual success is a myth. It has been perpetuated by capitalism/consumerism/advertising, so they can make money off of you.
Geoffrey Miller (evolutionary psychologist, speaking in from David DeAngelo’s Advanced Dating Techniques, DVD9; also see here) explains that males of most animal species can do very little about their mate value. However, humans can do so much and it can be inexpensive: simply tweaking personality or releasing anxieties.
But modern society does everything it can to stop us from developing these fitness indicators. Consumerist capitalism says invest all your time and energy according to the delusion that economic success is the only thing that attracts women, and the only thing that other men respect.
However, you and your ancestors don’t/didn’t need those material routes. We are misallocating our time and energy. It’s all within you!
Learn more at Inner Game and Outer Game.
Perhaps one of the greatest crises affecting men's sexuality is the widespread availability of porn. Whilst porn can be educational, it is also:-
Avoid pixelation. Drop into sensation!
Erectile dysfunction (ED) can be caused by various things.
Unless the cause is structural/medical (see a doctor), some of the easiest solutions are:
Note that ED is not necessarily a consequence of ageing.
One common issue in a committed relationship is the flatline experienced in passion. This well-known issue is best illustrated by a graph:
How relationships turn from passionate to companionate over time (years)
The Incest Taboo
One reason for this Relationship Flatline is The Incest Taboo. Relationship and sex expert Jim Benson explains:
'The theory of The Incest Taboo is simple: After a couple sets up housekeeping, childhood experiences are recreated and the mate appears more and more like the parent, primary caretaker, or sibling we once lived with. As this unconscious projection gets stronger, we are less able to get turned on by our mate because of the cultural taboo against having sex with one of your family members... the Taboo is running in the background ALL THE TIME with you and your live-in honey bunny.' (posted 28 November 2016, accessed 29 November 2016)
He goes on to suggest ways to deal with this. His suggestion of 'distance and individuation' to recreate sexual polarity seems useful - and why separate bedrooms could help passion and sleep quality (see here, here, here & here; also see here, here).
"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." (Katharine Hepburn)
Violence & Frustrated Sexuality
Sexual Consent & Harassment
Birth & Perinatal Emergency (BPE)
Female Sexual Problems