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Photo Credits:-

Naked Man Sculpture
(clarita, Morguefile)

Forest Woman
(Ultra_Nancy, Pixabay)

Relationship Flatline
Source: The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt, cited by BBC, posted 13 February 2016, accessed 29 November 2016)

Ancient Egypt Couple sculpture (clarita, Morguefile)
Back of Naked Man Sculpture Male Sexual Problems
For a woman, foreplay is more important than orgasm. For her, successful foreplay means you are a fantastic lover. Women need at least twenty minutes of heightened tension, and more like an hour if orgasm is desired. But remember, foreplay is more important than orgasm!
The ability to create anticipation is a key skill.
Other key skills include: presence, setting a sultry atmosphere, creating an emotionally safe space, leading with your heart.
Learn more at Inner Game and Outer Game.
Also see Sex Education.

Women tend to be pleasure-oriented, rather than goal-directed. Their goal is not to have sex or achieve release as much as to indulge in pleasure. This is why foreplay is so important. So, guys, pleasure her!

"Sex is way too important to be taken seriously." (Jim Benson, 2020, accessed 6 July 2020)
By this he did not mean jokes. Rather keep it playful, loving, relaxing.
Nor does it mean laughing disrespectfully at the other. It is about being able to laugh together at the sometimes absurd and silly scenes that we find ourselves in.

Money is not central to Sexual Success
This idea that money brings sexual success is a myth. It has been perpetuated by capitalism/consumerism/advertising, so they can make money off of you.
Geoffrey Miller (evolutionary psychologist, speaking in from David DeAngelo’s Advanced Dating Techniques, DVD9; also see here) explains that males of most animal species can do very little about their mate value. However, humans can do so much and it can be inexpensive: simply tweaking personality or releasing anxieties.
But modern society does everything it can to stop us from developing these fitness indicators. Consumerist capitalism says invest all your time and energy according to the delusion that economic success is the only thing that attracts women, and the only thing that other men respect.
However, you and your ancestors don’t/didn’t need those material routes.
We are misallocating our time and energy. It’s all within you!
Learn more at Inner Game and Outer Game.

Red-haired young woman gazing out from within a flowering bush


Perhaps one of the greatest crises affecting men's sexuality is the widespread availability of porn. Whilst porn can be educational, it is also:-
  1. Disrupting the natural courtship ritual. Porn and our hyper-sexualised culture creates an expectation that a relationship must cut straight to porn-style sex.
  2. Tricking the brain and addicting men to computers and smartphones. This contributes to erectile dysfunction and inability to be present with a flesh woman (versus a digital woman).
  3. Contributing to a culture of sexual entitlement and harassment
  4. Implicated in a global crisis of online child abuse.
I highly recommend:-
Rather than becoming addicted to the highly visual stimulation of porn, experiment with no porn. Allow experiences with real-life women to be your turn-on - not only her looks, but also her smell and sound and how you experience her energetically in your body. This may take months, but it becomes so much more ecstatic.
Avoid pixelation. Drop into sensation!

Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction (ED) can be caused by various things
Unless the cause is structural/medical (see a doctor), some of the easiest solutions are:
  • Avoid porn (see above).
  • Avoid drugs, including medical drugs, smoking and alcohol.
  • Avoid many plastics, especially those connected to food and drink. They contain hormone disrupting chemicals which reduce sperm count and can cause ED.
  • Feel. If you suppress certain difficult emotions, you numb them all. If you can be present and safely explore your feelings, your sex life may take off as may Junior!
  • Healthy Diet. Superfoods to try: pumpkin seeds, maca root, ginseng.
  • Kegel [pelvic floor] exercises may help. They are also vital to all-round sexual and general health. See here.
  • Knowledge may help. Your mission is to learn (e.g. Personal Life Media)...
  • Sleep: get enough.
  • Stress: free yourself from excessive stress and anxiety.
  • Use it or lose it. Regular use (i.e. sex or masturbation) is advised.
  • Vitamin D is needed (see here, # 10 here). Get into the Sun!
  • Walk! A regular brisk walk of 3 km (2 miles). Far better than Viagra (see here, here).
Walking may be the simplest solution.
Note that ED is not necessarily a consequence of ageing.

Relationship Flatline
One common issue in a committed relationship is the flatline experienced in passion. This well-known issue is best illustrated by a graph
'Relationship Flatline' graph
How relationships turn from passionate to companionate over time (years)

The Incest Taboo
One reason for this Relationship Flatline is The
Incest Taboo. Relationship and sex expert Jim Benson explains:

'The theory of The Incest Taboo is simple: After a couple sets up housekeeping, childhood experiences are recreated and the mate appears more and more like the parent, primary caretaker, or sibling we once lived with. As this unconscious projection gets stronger, we are less able to get turned on by our mate because of the cultural taboo against having sex with one of your family members... the Taboo is running in the background ALL THE TIME with you and your live-in honey bunny.' (posted 28 November 2016, accessed 29 November 2016)

He goes on to suggest ways to deal with this. His suggestion of 'distance and individuation' to recreate sexual polarity seems useful - and why separate bedrooms could help passion and sleep quality (see here, here, here & here; also see here, here).

Ancient Egypt couple sculpture

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." (Katharine Hepburn)

Also see:-

Violence & Frustrated Sexuality

Sex Education

Sexual Consent & Harassment

Birth & Perinatal Emergency (BPE)

Female Sexual Problems

Sex articles


Love articles

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© Bruce Mitchell 2015-Now. All rights reserved.
Page last updated: 28 July 2021.